Confessions of sleep apnea

I have a confession, folks: I snore. Now, that’s no surprise to my wife or my kids, who, bless them, have had to listen to a chainsaw running all night long for who knows how many nights o their lives, but it is a sort of embarrassing confession to make to the wider world.

Snoring is always such a comical and unpleasant quality. We laugh at it in movies, and we sympathize with the fellow sleepers who eventually smack the guilty party with pillows until they wake up and leave the room.

That’s exactly what happened to me. Or, not the pillow beatings, but I was exiled from the bedroom. For years, my wife and I slept separately on most nights, and the culprit was my snoring.

That’s an even harder confession. It makes my marriage sound like it’s some platonic ‘50s sitcom relationship. It’s never been that, I assure you, but it’s hard to write such words knowing people, somewhere are scoffing and making jokes.

So, why am I writing this? Because, I finally worked up the courage to tell somebody about my problem—a doctor—and that doctor told me that I wasn’t just the dunce in a comedy film who annoyed his family, I actually had a problem, and I could get it fixed.

The long and short of it is, I have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is when you stop breathing while you’re asleep. That can be as serious as it sounds. Luckily, I’m not a serious case at the moment, and doubly luckily, there are things to be done to help. My doctor sent me to some sleep apnea specialists who were able to hook me up with a device that keeps me from apnea-ing, or whatever the verb is there.

Look, amazingly, I’m feeling better and doing better almost instantaneously. I feel healthier, and I think I’m losing weight. Maybe that’s just my imagination, but I feel like I’m getting back to the man I used to be.

It’s nice to know I won’t have to get kicked out of bed anymore and my kids can sleep when we share a hotel room on vacation. It’s just, it’s miraculous.

So, again, why am I writing this? I’m revealing all of this personal information to the world just in case someone out there reading this has the same troubles.

It’s not the worst kind of suffering in the world, but it is tough on a family when someone has a severe case of sleep apnea like I did. If you’ve got problems with snoring, get up the gumption to tell your doctor. Stop putting it off. It isn’t that embarrassing.

Trust me, the results prove it was worth it. I wish I’d looked into this years ago. Life is so much better now I am getting a good night’s sleep every night. I’m sure my wife would say the same thing.

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