A Sam's Club Haul for Your College Dorm

Every parent makes the choice for their kids: Are you going to be a Costco family or a Sam’s Club family? And now’s not the time to make the switch if you’re about to head off to college. Just keep riding the free membership wave! Trust me, I was a late-in-life convert (at the ripe old age of 29). For now, sweet talk your fam into taking you on one last trip to Sam’s Club before you move into your dorm so you can get all the most essential staples for the year ahead with this Sam’s Club college dorm haul.

Pop-Tarts Frosted Variety Pack

I resent the fact that Pop-Tarts are painted as a breakfast food. Please do not eat a meager packet of Pop-Tarts before you head out for class—you will go hungry! At the same time, 48 Pop-Tarts for $10 is wayyy too good a deal to pass up. Grab a box of these for any sweet snack cravings you encounter, whether you need a mid-afternoon pick-me-up or a late-night sweet treat to get you through to morning, when you’ll have a healthy, substantial, protein-packed breakfast to fuel your mind and body, right??

Read our ranking of the best Pop-Tart flavors

Gatorade Zero Sugar Thirst Quencher

I was going to give this slot to Prime because it has undeniable college bro energy. But college is a time to become your own person! You’re bound to find like-minded people regardless of who you are as you enter college. So make the sensible choice and forget about popularity while you stock your college dorm at Sam’s Club. The Gatorade zero sugar variety pack will still save your life after a late-night rager but it won’t keep you up all night (you WILL oversleep and miss that 8 a.m. lab—promise).

Read our ranking of the best Gatorade flavors

Sensible Portions Garden Veggie Straw Variety Pack

Realistically, I’m sure veggie straws aren’t a one-for-one swap for the actual vegetables you should be eating in the dining hall. But these individually packed bags are still a practical, grown-up thing to keep on hand when you need something munch on in class. Everyone’s going to think you’re so responsible when you whip out a packet of these instead of a bag of Doritos. (For the record, Sam’s Club also has a box of Doritos, so don’t let me stop you from your dreams if you aren’t quite ready to dabble in adulthood yet.)

Read our ranking of the best veggie chips

G.H. Cretors Cheese & Caramel Flavored Popcorn Mix

There are a lot of scenarios in which it would be beneficial to have a ludicrously capacious bag of cheese-and-caramel popcorn on hand. You can bust it out for movie night or keep your study buddies satiated during a particularly grueling cram sesh (if any of your study buddies are from Chicago, they’ll be especially pumped). This bag of popcorn I included in our Sam’s Club haul is approximately as big as a human leg, so the popcorn possibilities are pretty much endless.

Read our ranking of the best bagged popcorn

Nongshim Shin Ramyun Spicy Beef Ramen Noodle Soup

In rare cases, it’s okay to perpetuate stereotypes, so we’re just going to go ahead and lean into the notion that college kids survive on ramen—and for good reason. Our goal for this college dorm haul is to get your sweet, loving, caring parents to send you off to school with a stash of groceries so plentiful that you won’t need to spend a penny during the school year. Anyway, there’s no shame in being a living, breathing college student stereotype, as long as you get mom and/or dad to buy the good stuff in the cart when you hit up Sam’s Club.

Read our full ranking of the best instant ramen

Member’s Mark Cheese and Cracker Snacks

You are at college to learn things (sorry, it’s true), so you should keep a protein rich snack on hand for the many, many study sessions that await you. These Member’s Mark cheese and cracker snack packs from Sam’s Club are easy to eat when you’re flipping the pages with one hand and taking notes with the other. Just reach over, grab a handful of precut cheese and some mini crackers, throw them in your mouth, and let your teeth do the mixing! If you happen to have a little more time than that, they’re also a satisfying snack to piece together like a lego set for the perfect bite of cheese and cracker. Either way you choose to snack, you’re gonna want these in your college dorm mini fridge.

Sam’s Club Food Court Pizza Pretzel

I’m a Costco food court supremacist, but I couldn’t help being curious what Sam’s Club’s food court has to offer. Most of the menu is suspiciously similar to Costco’s, but there’s one thing that Costco doesn’t have: pretzels! Well, two things, because Sam’s Club has pretzels and pizza pretzels. You’re going off to college so this is probably one of the last chances you have to get your parents to buy you a meal out, at least until they come to town to visit. So please, please get the pizza pretzel and let me know how it is, because Sam’s Club wouldn’t let me buy one without a membership! Sam’s Club, if you’re reading this, give me a free membership so I can try the food court food, you cowards. You may turn me into a believer!